Humor: Project Management Speak vs. Business Analysis Wisdom

Martin — Thu, 13 May 2010 08:26:00 GMT

It is common for project managers to question the number of BAs they need on a project or how much time needs to be spent on analysis. The underlying concern seems to be a fear of “analysis paralysis”. Whilst not overtly stated, for many project managers, analysis is a necessary evil that if not carefully controlled, will delay the “real” work of writing the code and delivering the system. No doubt this view has some basis in their past experience of using BAs. However, an examination of common project management proverbs and folklore might suggest the real problem lies in another direction...

Project Manager speak	Business Analyst Wisdom
The same work under the same conditions will be estimated differently by ten different estimators or by one estimator at ten different times	When the PM says this, get ready for him cutting your estimates in half
It’s just a small increase in scope	The most valuable and least used word in a project manager's vocabulary is "NO"
I told them we could deliver on time	Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything (used after the BA questions the wisdom of a commitment given by the PM to the Project Board)	Exactly! (used by the BA in response)
Too few people on a project can't solve the problems - too many create more problems than they solve	So I guess we’re not getting that additional resource we need then?
A user will tell you anything you ask about, but nothing more	Exactly. That’s why you should have sent someone who would ask the right questions!
A user is somebody who tells you what they want the day you give them what they asked for	That’s what happens when you shortcut proper analysis
Of several possible interpretations of a communication, the least convenient is the correct one	Er..., how about asking which is the correct one? (Why are project managers so frightened of open, honest discussion?)
What you don’t know hurts you	What the PM doesn’t know usually hurts the analysts working for him
The conditions attached to a promise are forgotten, only the promise is remembered (when complaining about the Project Board)	The conditions attached to a promise are forgotten, only the promise is remembered (when complaining about the Project Manager)
The sooner we begin coding the sooner we deliver	The sooner we begin coding the sooner we deliver something the users don’t want and the later we realise the benefits due to the increased re-work
If you don't plan, it doesn't work. If you do plan, it doesn't work either. Why plan!	Answer: try planning properly
Project management is about balancing the triangle of time, cost and quality	Ever met a project manager with a good sense of balance?
When all's said and done a lot more is said than done	Not much hope of gathering detailed requirements then
I told the project board everything is on schedule	Bang goes my vacation!
We have successfully implemented the system with only a few minor teething problems	Yeah, teething problems like flaky performance, user dissatisfaction and de-scoped essential functionality

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Humor: Project Management Speak vs. Business Analysis Wisdom